SWAP test?

Yes...finally I have the bull to go to clinic and do the SWAP test..and it was deadly painful..

I was really hope that he was there by my side, but I was alone. Accompanied by tears, that runs freely when the doctor do the test. The doctor said there's a swallow inside my body, and she injected a pessary to melt it down, until then, I cannot do any PAP Smear test. And I am waiting for the result, I am waiting alone..

I guess man never understand what kind of pain girl's been through. That's why it is very important for girls to be independent. And why I said so, because I've tried to tell him, to make him understand what is going on inside me. But, seems like he take it for nothing only.

Right now I feel really really down, afraid, cold, hallow, too scared to know the test result, am I normal?It is true, just some kind of fungus affection or worst come to worst beyond that.

Another week to know the test, and I am hoping that he'll be there with me bacause I really need him that time.

It's been forever..

It has been forever I guess, since my last posting. And I still remember the password.

A lot of things have changed in my life. I moved to a new house, got a better job. Mostly all my wishes had come true. Except one, get married.

Yeah I'm still with him. Tuhan memang panjangkan jodoh kami, hopefully it will last until end of the time.

My daily life totally changed. I had brought my life to a whole new leve. And his life too. My First Focus Resources Sdn Bhd is 7 months old now. He is a success. To himself and to me.

I think not too late for me to wish HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012 to everyone in this world. A new year with 1 wish. To get MARRIED. Biarlah ikatan ini sah di mata Allah.

But here I am still sitting alone, waiting for him to have at least 1 hour time for me. And I am still putting hope on him.

He read this blog once, or twice maybe but now maybe he is too busy with his work. I am still hoping he'll read this blog. Especially dedicated to him.

By the way, we are going to Bandung on 15th February 2012. Hopefully he will spend some of his precious time with me.

Hati Yang Kau Sakiti....

Dengar ~ Rossa, hati yang kau sakiti
Fikir ~ bercelaru
Hati ~ menangis mendengar lagu ini...kerana kadang2 sesebuah lagu melambangkan kehidupan kita....

dengarkanla...hati yang kau sakiti

Rossa - Hati Yang Kau Sakiti Lirik


Jangan pernah katakan bahwa
Cintamu hanyalah untukku
Karna kini kau telah membaginya

*

Maafkan jika memang kini harus kutinggalkan dirimu
Karna hatiku slalu kau lukai
Tak ada lagi yang bisa ku lakukan tanpamu
Ku hanya bisa mengatakan apa yang kurasa

**

Ku menangis… membayangkan
Betapa kejamnya dirimu atas diriku
Kau duakan cinta ini
Kau pergi bersamanya

***
Ku menangis… melepaskan
Kepergian dirimu dari sisi hidupku
Harus slalu kau tahu
Akulah hati yang telah disakiti

Back to *, **, ***

Ku menangis…
Harus slalu kau tahu
Akulah hati yang telah….
Kau sakiti…

My Mr Right...

I can say that I found my Mr. Right about three years ago right here in this Metropolitan City...

Kenapa dia Mr. Right? Sebab pertama, dia adalah cinta pertama saya..Sebab kedua, saya mencintai dia sepenuh hati saya dari dulu smpai sekarang and Insya Allah akan kekal selama-lamanya...

Girls out there, let me tell u something..How young u are, but when u being touched by true love, u will by hook or by crook get ready to take your relationship to another level..Marriage..

Saya nak share dengan  u all apa perasaan saya terhadap Mr. Right saya ni.. Saya x pernah bercinta sebelum ni..Dia yang pertama hadir dalam hidup saya, and segala pantang larang dalam percintaan x pernah saya tahu..Pada mulanya, apabila dia memegang tangan saya dlm keretanya dan menyatakan bahawa dia sayangkan saya, I was like, biar betul dia ni..xkan baru knl dh jatuh sayang and vice-versa. Tetapi selepas itu saya tahu, apabila seorang lelaki benar2 jatuh cinta,  perubahan sikapnya mula kelihatan.. Hatinya yang dianggap keras (Mr.Right saya ni HOD kat tmpt dia keje and terkenal dgn kegarangannya...) selama ini, menjadi lembut seperti kapas. Bahkan dia sanggup berkorban dan melakukan apa shaja untuk saya, termasuk deliverkan makanan waktu malam (waktu saya belajar dulu). Sekeras mana pun hati lelakinya, dia pernah mengalirkan air mata (tu first time saya tgk dia menangis) semasa nak hantar saya naik bas balik kampung...Time tu kitorg singgah Titiwangsa jap..

Saya tahu dan sedar, sentiasa tahu apabila dia sentiasa bersungguh-sungguh mahu melakukan apa sahaja demi saya seikhlas hatinya...Saya makin jatuh cinta apabila dia buat macam tu.. Then, saya tanamkan dalam hati saya, ternyata saya tak silap pilih teman hidup!!

Dia juga sentiasa buat hati saya senang dan yaang membuatkan saya terharu, dia mula mahukan perhubungan yang serius, bila dia berbicara ttg mahu memperkenalkan saya dengan keluarganya..bercakap soal perkahwinan...Saya rasa bahagia..Dan perbuatannya itu makin membuatkan saya mencintainya...

Mmg x diakui dia kuat membebel..tapi jauh di sudut hatinya dia mahu MENGINGATI saya..dia mahu perhubungan kami berjalan lancar tanpa sebarang masalah dan saya menghargai setiap bebelannya walaupun telinga agak sakit...Dan setiap nasihatnya itu, membuatkan saya bertambah cintakannya...

Semakin lama perhubungan kami, timbul pula pelbagai kembimbangan dlm benak otak saya ni,  termasukla akan kehilangannya..Tu perkara yang paling saya takut... AKAN KEHILANGANYYA...saya tidak mampu untuk berdepan dengan fakta : saya kehilangan cinta pertama...Tidak mampu... Walaupun dia pernah melakukan kesilapan, saya tetap bangun berjuang untuk dapatkan kembali cintanya...dan saya berjaya...moga-moga kali ni saya berharap dia sudi berjuang bersama-sama saya, untuk mekarkan lagi perhubungan cinta ini.

Lucu apabila difikirkan saya dan dia selalu berperangai seperti kebudak-budakan...hanya untuk menagih perhatian dan belaian manja...Dia sememangnya manjakan saya dari dulu hingga sekarang...Dan itu membuatkan saya bertambah cintakan dia...

Setiap kali saya ada masalah, orang yang pertama yang sanggup berada di samping saya adalah dia, tidak kira waktu, tidak kira masa...walaupun dia tak dapat berbuat apa-apa, sekurang-kurangnya dia sanggup memeluk saya untuk pastikan yang saya bukan keseorangan..Dan itu juga membuatkan saya bertambah mencintainya...

Kerja-kerja saya memerlukan saya untuk sentiasa keluar outstation dan dia sanggup ambil cuti untuk bersama-sama saya.. Apabila dia ada hal yang x dapat dielakkan dan saya perlu keluar outstation di tempat yang jauh, dia akan menggelabah dan risau x menentu..Dan gelabah dan kerisauan dia itu memebuatkan saya bertambah cintakan dia...

Dia sanggup menitiskan air mata semata-mata kerana saya..Dan setiap titisan air matanya itu membuatkan saya lebih menyintainya...

Dan pengorbanan yang paling besar yang pernah dilakukannya adalah meletakkan saya di tempat yang paling selamat iaitu dalam hatinya...Dan pengorbanannya itu membuatkan saya bertambah mencintainya...

Dialah Mr.Right saya...
Dialah kawan saya...
Dialah hidup saya...
Dialah Mohammad Fadzil saya...

Zetty~~~

I am looking forward for what will happen....

What will happen in the future? None of us can foresee the future, but we can prepare for it..

If only u have a want, then u will live ur life to the fullest to achieve it..Well, berfalsafah plak...What I want in my future? Basically these are my goals:

1. Kumpul duit banyak2 and siapkan umah mak kat Terengganu (I really really wanna change my family's life, really want)
2. Get myself deeper into my hobby which is gubah BUNGA DIP... maybe boleh buat bunga pahar dgn doorgift sendiri..Next week, will start to buy those things yg diperlukan : plier, dip, thinner, dawai, glitters, glue, batang lidi, pelilit and bla bla bla)...will try to do it at work...and home too...

3. Buy myself a Canon D80, I want it..instead og buying an Ipad, I think my interest is not to Ipad anymore but more to photographing as I am rite now is too darn exciting in creating/altering image...harganya?? boleh tahanla, kena kumpul 2 bulan gaji kot baru boleh beli..yg ni tahun depan insya Allah, as tahun ni budget dah lari...
4. yang ni a bit blushing to tell..hehehe.. Get married to a lovely creature namely Mohammad Fadzil..yang ni mudah-mudahan diijabkabulkan seperti yang telah dirancangkan...
5. Get both of us, me and my other half to Seoul Korea... We want to stand under the sakura flower and experience it all by ourselves... Really really wants this also...Badly want this..Only me and him, far from other, far from works as our schedule is a little bit hectic rite now.....

Lastly, all I want is him to be next to me..To hold me forever..To love me eternally..Then my life would be wholely complete....

~Zetty~

What happened?

What happened? no clue, no idea, no-thing...huhuh

Recently, my other half is so darn busy being a busy bee..he wants to setup his own company and i am included in his company profile...Good for both of us..

Regardless the new company, we also in the midst of buying a new baby from Proton.. Alhamdulillah loan dah lulus and tgh menunggu kereta kuar ja.. But why am I feeling so empty?? No idea.. I feel nothing, despite he constantly request for my opinions. I feel hollow, being alone at home, at work, everywhere.. Worst, I feel unappreciated. Why? Being abandoned perhaps. I want to talk, but he is way too busy to have a minute for me. Dinner? No more outside dinner with him now. He is way too far to have dinner with me. Outing? Also no. And why is that? He is too tired after doing he's job and setup-ing the new company.

And me? being left behind one more time. Just like old time. I am so darn tired to keep thinking about our relationship..

It's alrite girl...just have it he's way and go to sleep..u'll forget everything by then.. Just go to sleep...Sleep...

Wait!!!! It's working time la... just do your work girl...

Just got a call from him..I wish I am ready for the worst.. Being asked to find someone else...Senangnya mulut bercakap....

Feel like wanna cry...I am crying....and if he wanna end up everything (maybe he wants to move his interest to something else, or to someone else)...Allah je yang tahu...

I really2 need a tissue rite now... :(

What a girl like me WANT!!!

What girls want from their lovers?

L - Loyalty and love that is only for her and not for anyone else. You have to understand that when a girl falls in love, she will devote hers 100% to you. All you need to do is feed her heart with love and loyalty.

O - Own her heart wholely by giving your fullest heart to her. Be a man of honor who understand the HEART WISH. Maybe she is too shy to share it with you but all she wants is to be your other half, where u can tolerate to each other. Own her heart by giving her space in your life also. That is what a girl truly wants from her lover.

V- very extaordinary relationship that u are putting urself with her. Be different, be impractical, be something new. A relationship will somehow face a critical situation where u and her did not agree in one matter. All you need to do is relax, let things go, and say I'M SORRY to her.. Simple, a girl will always accept her lover's apology because we are girls. That is what I want too...

E - Everything else is not important than ur hug that makes she feels secure, safe, loved, being cared, being truly understood. Embrace her like your skeleton embraces your heart, your liver, your inner organs.. Embrace her like a mother embraces her child, embrace her like your embrace yor own belongings..


See, that is what a girl wants from her lover.. Love her, loyal to her, and make sure you marry her... Because girls dont do those 'break up' things with her true love, but girls strive to avoid those 'break up' things even though she was the one yang ucapkan kata2 perpisahan...Apa yang perempuan nak? Pujuk la....Peluk dia...Pujukan dan pelukan seorang lelaki boleh dan pasti meredakan gelora dalam hati perempuan....

Till then,

Love your lover ~ Zetty~