Honey.. I Shrunk the LOVE~~

                   What happened to me last week? Nothing..But something terrible happened few days ago. Before my weekend officially started, me and my other half bergaduh lagi!!! Aarrgghh.. After almost 3 years courting, I don’t know what to say. Let’s review what happened for the past few years. At our very first year, no argue, more honeymoon. Second year, less argu and stable honeymoon..kik kik kik. But, year by year past, we both have matured and grown up. If you are facing me face to face, I bet you wouldn’t think that I’m only 19. Most people said that. Dengan dia je manja manja, dengan orang lain berlagak dewasa lorr.. kik kik kik.. Then, I started to feel bored because in one year ‘no argue at all’. Apalah aku ni, patutnya baguslah kan x gaduh, ni boring plak sebab tak gaduh. Kik kik kik. Then, betul betul gaduh. Bukan calang-calang gaduh pnyer ni, memang fight yang in a way you won't think of as most people around me will think that our relationship will go down the drain. Sedih la, setiap kali gaduh.. It felt like you really don’t want to see him anymore. Sedihnyer kalau dia marah-marah, dia tak tahu macam mana rasanya hati ni, sedih sangat-sangat.


                 But the latest fight was about nothing actually. He didn’t tell me where he was going, then he asked me whether I wanted to eat or not. Then I asked him back. Then he asked me. Then kitorang gaduh! Benci lah..Looking back on the things I’ve done, I was just trying to be someone in your heart. I played my part, and kept you in the dark, but it’s annoyed you a lot. I’m sorry honey. I love you. I did tattoo your name across my heart and I’m striving to protect it.

                But at the end of the day, he apologized and said ‘I’m sorry, pa penat sangat hari ni..’ actually the conversation went like this:

My other half: I’m sorry, pa penat sangat hari nih.

Me: Sob..~~sob~~

My other half: Dah..jangan lah nangis.

Me: you don’t how you hurt me.

My other half: I’m sorry sayang. Mama tegurlah papa kalau papa tinggikan suara kat mama lagi..



Then we smiled..

Don’t stray from the plan~~

                 Because fail to plan is planning to fail. Yup! We’ve been through many plans. But last night, there’s a big plan and it is about to become reality. He is planning to get another car, a Honda City. He wants a blue one and I’m craving for a silver one. Maybe we’ll get both or a black one. We also planning to get our own landed property. Maybe in Taman Desa. All the properties there are developed by Faber Group. I’ve been there before, to Faber  Tower and met one of the senior project managers there. But, the most special plan is the plan for our engagement.

                    He finally came up with few ideas. I showed him last night few pictures of hantaran tunang yang very cuddly. Then, he decided to create our own ‘engagement theme’. The theme is ‘red apples and white roses’. Nice isn’t it? Simple but nice. Every hantaran akan diletakkan dlm bakul and akan digubah dengan 3 biji epal merah dan 5 atau 6 kuntum ros putih. Then adalah sikit kerawang-kerawang tu as the side order. Kik kik kik. Then he asked me to draft out the budget for our engagement. For our door gift, I think I want to give a rectangular red box, which I found on the internet with the price of RM1.oo ++ per piece. I think it’s fair enough. The box will be imbued with a red apple, a cupcake and sweets. That’s all. Since tak ramai sangat yang dijemput, so simple simple je la.

We’ve planned to buy all those stuff together and bring it home. Seriously, it’s overwhelmed me. I’m glad because he is serious with what he stands for. That’s the guy who I’m craving for.

By Hook^^ or by Crook~~

                    Yeah! By hook or by crook. By any means necessary way. Since us all in the lovely year of 2010, so I decided to write down some goals for my own achievement. Dream will never become reality unless you write it down. Then, the written dream will become a goal. Then, the goal will become a reality. Don’t trust me? I bet you want to try it for yourself. Talking about my goals? I will put myself to the limit to achieved it. Although few of them are really hard to achieve but I am striving for all of them. I love the thrill though. And guess what? Few of them had become reality. Splendid isn’t it?

These all are my goals which I am deadly craving for:

 A Nokia 63, equipped with external Bluetooth

 Get myself a Christian Lacroix perfume spray

 Obtain as much English novels as I manage to~ where is my 8th Habit honey?

 Able to finish my Art of War, a very complicated book but I want to finish it and I will survive hey hey..

 Gain a tremendous amount of self-esteem in this ‘English world’

 Get my own house costs above RM200,00 within 5 years

 Get blessed with exceptional shrewdness within 3 years

 Able to speak and write ADVANCED ENGLISH within 3 years

 Betroth to a lovely and caring person namely my other half

 Get myself into UiTM Shah Alam and pursue my degree in Property Management

New criticism..

                          Darn!!What the fish,moo?? Apalah orang sekarang ni..Tau nak mengutuk, mengkrik, menfitnah orang je..I know myself very well. I've finished my dominant brain test (The Wada Test from Japan) and I don't need someone who is nobody to tell me rubbish. I have no time for that obviously. I think I'm going to terminate the nobody from my list. A pompous friend should never be listed in my BFFs. Apparently, what the nobody said grieved my heart. But it's nothing much. Benda tu takkan jadi nanah in my life. What? The nobody thinks he intimidates me? Not a single point chump! I speak as bland as I can but the nobody is so damn bungled my life just like that. The nobody is imbued with moral lackness and misbehaves kot.. Maybe sebab tu dia jadi macam tu..

Am I the-slave of ordinary? Of course not~~

                  Am I? Of course not. I want to be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safer, the creature of the commonplace, and the-slave of in-the-box-game. So, I took the chance. Although berat giler hati ni nak tinggalkan kak mizah kat sana sorang-sorang dengan budak-budak tu, tapi what can I do? It’s my obligation to do this. So, I was transferred to another place. It is nice to be part of this management team. They all are very well welcoming. Especially our big boss here. He was the one yang guide us all the way at our first day. Siap tolong bukakan pintu lagi. Then, he took us to Annex. He taught us how to detect defections on aircond, ceiling and such. Hehe..I felt really awkward the very first week there, when everybody is concentrating on their job, no chatting, and no gossiping, no and no for everything. But, the following week has changed. I started laughing and giving big grin to anyone. That’s super splendid. Then, I started talking to akak-akak yang ada kat sebelah sana. Maklumla…kitorang punya meja ni kat section lelaki, kat section manager-manager kat sini.

                                                                                                    I found something else greater than that. I found a new hobby!! Huraayy!! Monopoly. I’ve downloaded few versions of monopoly, from Hasbro, Board Game, Spin Top and more and installed them into Radcliffe. I love playing monopoly. It seems like Radcliffe also enjoying it. My other half gave me a surprise last night. Guess what?? A monopoly, a brand new edition of monopoly from Hasbro, Monopoly Here and Now Edition, a hand phone edition. I don’t where on earth he got that and how much have cost him to get it. Thanks honey, I love you so much. He is always there when I wanted to do something. Anything, from reading books, collecting bracelet and special-edition brooches, getting my driving license, and more. He always there for me. He saw me playing monopoly the day before and he gave me one, a special one, which I can bring it anywhere I go. I love it. A phone-edition monopoly from Hasbro, that is really rare. There something else. They just emerged in my train of thought when I saw Boo Boo. Boo Boo is the cuddliest teddy bear I’ve ever seen. He gave it to me on 26th December. Not just Boo Boo, there’s another one. But apparently I still don’t know what to call it. Mike Wozawski perhaps? Hahaha. Nice name. Thank you sayang for those lovely gifts. I really really appreciate it.

Esoteric Epoch~~When I fall in love..

                   I’m not sure whether I am truly ready to talk about my other half. But my heart keeps telling me that I need to confront my shyness. Many, very many years passed away, and he was now a mature man sitting with me under a flowering love. Sweet. We hold each other by hand, just as the other couple doing, but the different is whenever he touches my hand, my body shaking, my subconscious mind controls everything and it doesn’t seem to cease. From time to time, from clime to clime, our mentality and way of thinking change like old wine in new bottle or new wine in old bottle. He is my alpha and omega. His love abides in my heart. He stands still with me with abundance of the heart and not with abundance of the wallet. Yup, exactly! He is the only person in this world that doesn’t care how much he has spent on me. He is only person in the world who allows his shirt messy just because of me. He is the only person in world who takes care of me when I’m under the weather. He is the only person who willingly to be the delivery boy whenever we didn’t go out for dinner. He is the only person in this world who possesses such generosity, fortitude and love and all of them are for me forever. He is my everything. He is Mohammad Fadzil.

                    Slightly about three years ago, I’ve met someone who lifted me up from the green earth to the blue sky. I’ve met someone who triggered my subconscious mind to perceive him as unique and special. Why do I have such strong feeling towards him? A feeling that vehemently surpasses the actual feeling of love. How does this feeling instill itself to my conscious and aware mind? How does it breaks through my blearier and permits itself to influence my judgments? Why won’t I let this feeling goes away after consciously knowing that it would only bring misery? I’m still unable to compute the equation triggered by series of event which surfaces few clock cycles ago. Now I finally got the answer. Love. I love him.

                  When he is next to me, there is no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, and no challenge to great for me. He seems to magically connect me to all sorts of serendipitous opportunities that I was somehow absent before myself three years ago. He energizes me. I am where my thoughts and actions during the last three years have brought me. Now here I am standing still with him by my side. We have our shares in our live and we done with it. We went through hell, through terrible fights, through horrible arguments, and more. But at the end of the day, he holds my hand and updates me on how much he loves me. Now, the love is uncountable, untouchable, unseen, and all sorts of ‘un’. Because the love abides in our heart. The love that we don’t need to express it, but the clarity of the love can be seen in the eyes.

                  Yes, I may be enthralled by a lovely, caring, loving creature. My love for him is like a crown. A crown in my heart, not my head. I am not a devotee of him, but I am the devotee for his touch, his love, his care, his attention and more. My love for him is a crown in my heart, not decked with Indian stones, gold, diamonds and such. But the crown is decked with support, loyalty, and love. A crown that only a king enjoys it, and before this I may say, the king shall be someone like him, and now I’m saying that the king is Mohammad Fadzil and in the future I will say that the king is Mohammad Fadzil.

a gratitude for fortitude...

we are now entering the year of 2010.. Yesterday is a history, tomorrow is a future, and today is a gift.. That's why it's called present. And now here i am sitting next to my other half. Yesterday he gave me chocolate from the chocolate world as the year end gift and today he gave me a nokia e63 as my new year gift.. I dont know what to say. He done so much for me. I love him so much and happy new year sayang. May this year our lives will blossom with love and cares